Time has passed since i written anything on the blog. I would say I got distracted from my usual creative self by many other major events occurred for the last few months. I got married, worked hard and passed my exams, gaming profusely as a compensation for the time lost during my exam days, went through the hassle of progressing the next step of my career, and of course, working.
Why I started writing again in a sleepless night? Because today, I find myself worry of the uncertainty ahead.
After 4 years of struggle with my training program as a specialist trainee, I finally passed my MRCPsych membership exam. In between the period I went through the tough times of long COVID ward postings, workplace transfers, loneliness and self doubt. Those actually did a toll on my concentration to the exam preparation effort. Fortunate enough, my new work place is filled with wonderful colleagues and that has enabled me to regain my motivation, and I managed to pass the exam right on the time of the day I’m supposed to complete my 4 years training.
I was happy, top of the world even, to know that I finally did what I set out to do since my housemanship. My life felt complete, I’m advancing in my career, married to the woman who gives my happiness all the time, my workplace is awesome, and my family is proud of my achievement. To top it off, I am finally doing something I like to do- being a psychiatrist.
Everything was so perfectly fine until the faithful day, when I attended the psychiatry training board committee interview.
It is the time when the leaders in the field meet us, to talk about our path forward as a specialist. Without much of a discussion, I was being told that they might send me to the other side of the country, across the sea, to the eastern state of Sabah.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining. Not yet at least. I know the implication of such a decision. Spending years in the field, meeting so many great teachers and bosses have taught my one thing:
Experience doesn’t come cheap. Often, those who paid the great price may have learned to treasure it more, and will gain more.
To tell the truth, after the interview I started searching the net for other opportunities. Overwhelmed by emotions, I couldn’t even have my lunch that day.
But looking at my wife, who just sit quietly and smiled beside me, my rational thoughts finally able to reach in:
“I can’t leave, there’s so much here for me. I have come too far to walk out!”
“Fine then, I’m young, I’m here to learn. I want to be the best. So there are price, but I have been familiar with the trade. Everything worthy is to be earned, it’s less if it was given.”
I know that too well. Maybe that is the problem. So I said, “Yes, I’ll do it.”
It took them 2 months to prepare my transfer. Remember the hassle I mentioned? I can’t reveal much about the emotional turmoil I went through simply due to the incompetence of a certain agency (Not my department of course, we are all wonderful people). For a whole month I have to make hundreds of mostly confusing and unanswered calls, even visit them in person to find out about the progress with no avail. Then, I was struck by the news of I have to move myself to the furthest part of the country in just 5 days. Much can be said about the possible reason behind such a nonsensical act, but I can’t reveal much other than summarise it into a simple phrase:
“Power with incompetence equals idiocity.”
So here I am, trying to figure out how to empty my rental house, move my things back to my hometown, complete my transfer documents, and bid farewell to my family and friends in 5 freaking days.
I have never feel this much pressure for time, not since my army days. At least during those times we are running for our lives, not due to some people whose job is to sit behind a desk and organise a team of young-to-be-leaders of the medical field, not knowing how to call me herself to inform about the placement, misplacing a career-and-life-changing letter, and tell me that she don’t have my phone number to begin with, which can be easily found if she actually spend some time calling my hospital and ask for me!
Now I am more motivated to reach the top of the ladder, just to stop these disasters from happening to others.
Dr Vie Cheong Thong M.D. 