After 2 years of housemanship, and 4 years of training/ Medical officer routine, I have reached the part of my career where I can get my own parking spot- yes, it’s a big perk. Try to find a place to park your car in any governmental hospital every morning, you will understand.
“With bigger power, comes greater responsibilities.” Uncle Ben and Spider-man said that in their movie, but I did not see the weight of those words before I reach my new working place.
Hospital Mesra, situated side of the city of Kota Kinabalu, it’s one of the 4 governmental mental institutions in Malaysia. Compared to those in the Peninsular, it is considerably smaller. On the day I report for duty, I was greeted by a swift and pleasant orientation process, met my new polite a boss, and granted time for myself to get myself comfortable. As I walk up the hillside for the first time, I was shocked by how quick i’m able to finish my tour around the hospital. All it took was a 5 minute walk I have reached the rear fence, with every wards visible from the slope.
“Well, it won’t be too hard to get myself familiar right?” I thought with confidence, greeting every staffs walking up as i passing by. “6 months of gazettement, learn everything I can, get friendly with everyone, make no enemies. How hard can that be?”
It did not take long for me to scold my underlings for the first time. All it took is a negligience from them.
“Be careful, try to stay on their good side if you don’t want to have a bad comment in your review later!” Concerned, my colleague warned me on the first week of my arrival, for my own good I guess.
Another week passed by, another victim of my anger. This time, is because of an overstepping of boundaries by a colleague from another hospital.
It was huge, even my friend from the eastern coast heard about the news on the same day, and came asking what made me shoot a fireball so hot it scorched the gentle soul of the mentioned person.
Well, just to clear up the confusion, I don’t like people telling me what I am supposed to do in my hospital when that person is not even working in my workplace. We answer to our own bosses, and there’s a system of how we function based on the current needs and situations. How will you feel when there’s some stranger telling you how to manage your own house?
Things have been similar since then. Now, I may have become the most feared, strict, and meticulous psychiatrist in my beautiful hospital. Truth be told, I am comfortable, knowing that there now exist a balance among the specialist. My other colleagues are quite friendly and lenient towards our subordinates, so I now become the person who makes them vigilant. They will be more cautious in their work whenever I am involved, which is what a doctor should do.
From my experience, there’s just a fine line between fear and respect. The military taught me well in that aspect, which is:
“You don’t need to be “liked” for the mission.”
“if it saves your comrades, do it for the mission, even if it makes you the bad person in their eyes.”
My consultant once said in a meeting, “If I allow an incompetent doctor to pass his examination, indirectly I allowed him to endanger the lives he is supposed to treat!”
Those words are embedded inside my mind, burned even, into my soul.
The person who upholds the law or the system will never be liked. Nobody ‘likes’ a judge, a police, or a warden. They have to create a level of fear, for others to know that there will be trouble if they mess up. Being a doctor who leads other doctors does make me realize, that if there is no pressure, and everyone can just do what they like, there will be no improvements, and worse, my patients will be in danger.
Since my other colleagues are so friendly and caring, why not I take on the role of the “enforcer”, since I have been trained so well in that role for my whole life?
To keep my worth, I know I have to be better than those I’m trying to lead. Respect only will be earned if I can do what they couldn’t, that I can do it right, and that I will show them how to do what I do (provided that they wish to learn of course). All my mentors have taught me well on that: to keep on learning, always do the right thing, and never compromise on the quality of care for my patients.
“The eyes don’t see what the mind doesn’t know.” Another quote from my mentors in neuropsychiatry. Being a psychiatrist, we must see what others neglected, find what others missed, and we should advocate for our patients even if the whole world doesn’t understand their illness.
If I upset a few doctors along the way, while being able to ensure the safety of my patients and uphold my responsibility and oath as a clinician, I will gladly do so.
I’m content, for now, I’m able to understand my teachers and mentors in the field, who scolded, mocked, and insulted me, but at the same time taught, trained, and motivated me to be who I am.
Thank you, my teachers. May our passion to heal others burn bright illuminating the hearts of others.
Dr Vie Cheong Thong M.D. 